all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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