To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
