My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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