Where did you get a picture of my penis
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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