I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
