census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
