fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
