I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
