Bisexual people are plain selfish.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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