Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
