I heard we made out
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
