how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
