he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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