why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
