Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have aggressive nipples.
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