he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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