This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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