She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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