Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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