If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
