We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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