How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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