we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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