Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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