How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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