Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
