So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize