Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
