Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
