Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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