y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize