I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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