Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
