I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So much rum. So many feels.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
