Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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