Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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