I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
