he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
