You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
