Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to calm my uterus...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
