Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
