just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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