Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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