I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
