yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
