Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
