the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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