I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
