I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
