i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
