when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sorry my hands just texted you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
