you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
