When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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