is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
