I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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