She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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