Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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