what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize