it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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