If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
