if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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