ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
